people used to write in their journals and diaries to keep track of all the things that have happened in their life. i always had this notion that one day i’ll die and people would find my old diaries ranting about love and school and future but now i can see that the internet already archives my life for me.
i sat in an uneven chair during research and listlessly decided to look through my old gmail and gchat’s.
it was littered with emails from clubs and organizations that i forgot to delete, gchats with people who asked me what time the meeting is tomorrow or if i’ve done the assignment.
but within all the thousands of emails that i’ve received, there are those gems that tell me blatantly who i was.
the emails from my best friends that show exactly how much love and care could be compressed into a 13inch computer screen. i wistfully wish that i could go back and not have forgotten to write a reply.
the gchats with high school boys who haven’t yet been jaded by so called ‘experience’ with love.
elaborate ramblings to boyfriends about the future, chocolate, and the types of people we aspire to be.
paragraphs upon paragraphs from those very few who took turns carrying my heart
the random heartfelt emails from confidantes and childhood friends recalling those specific days that never seemed to special until i started daydreaming and it appears
the thank you emails that unexpectedly pop up and made me realize the power of my actions
so i guess i owe a lot to google, or maybe google owes me a lot for keeping all of the precious words that i occasionally read again…
a couple of years later,
a couple of years full of opening my mind and filling it with eros and sprawled on the bedsheets of different places that i called home, here i am.
i thought i would be different when i embarked on the journey a number of hundreds of days ago. but i’m exactly the same. i thought once i left the town that i grew up in, my old humble suburban home with its great and famous brother, i could go out and make a name for myself. but here i am.