gmail-ing my past

people used to write in their journals and diaries to keep track of all the things that have happened in their life. i always had this notion that one day i’ll die and people would find my old diaries ranting about love and school and future but now i can see that the internet already archives my life for me.

i sat in an uneven chair during research and listlessly decided to look through my old gmail and gchat’s.

it was littered with emails from clubs and organizations that i forgot to delete, gchats with people who asked me what time the meeting is tomorrow or if i’ve done the assignment.

but within all the thousands of emails that i’ve received, there are those gems that tell me blatantly who i was.

the emails from my best friends that show exactly how much love and care could be compressed into a 13inch computer screen. i wistfully wish that i could go back and not have forgotten to write a reply.

the gchats with high school boys who haven’t yet been jaded by so called ‘experience’ with love.

elaborate ramblings to boyfriends about the future, chocolate, and the types of people we aspire to be.

paragraphs upon paragraphs from those very few who took turns carrying my heart

the random heartfelt emails from confidantes and childhood friends recalling those specific days that never seemed to special until i started daydreaming and it appears

the thank you emails that unexpectedly pop up and made me realize the power of my actions

so i guess i owe a lot to google, or maybe google owes me a lot for keeping all of the precious words that i occasionally read again…

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